Friday, March 7, 2008

No, I'm not dead, although I kind of feel like it...

Have you ever been so tired that you seriously considered intentionally causing a car accident? So tired that a coma actually sounds pretty good right about now? Before you feel sorry for me, you should know that this is all of my own volition. I am ultimately to blame. In the past 5 days, I have gotten a grand total of 12 hours of sleep. The hours that should have been spent sleeping, were spent getting to know a really cool individual, so I wouldn't do anything differently if I had the choice. I'm just choosing to ignore the sleep deprived portion of my brain that is calling me a fucking cuntrag right now. I'll just shut it up with copious amounts of Tim Hortons. Mmmmmmm......double double. And I don't even really like coffee....Fuck I'm tired.....

So yeah, that's the reason for the lack of updates. I do apologize for my life getting in the way of you reading more bullshit about 20 year old toys and various snack foods. But then again, that is based on the assumption that you give a shit. I choose to believe that you do.

But how could this happen? I have a pretty level head, not usually prone to 5 hour phone conversations. Well, there are two very good reasons why this person has captivated so much of my attention.
1. Without me even having to mention it, or without her reading this dumping ground, she confessed to a love of Mexican Chili Chips. That right there is number one on my list of attractive qualities in the opposite sex. If you don't love Mexican Chili Chips, you can just fuck off. Maybe that's bordering on harsh, but I stand by it. Mexican Chili Chips = <3
2. She's a dirty filthy cigarette smoker. I'm sick of seeing non-smokers, but for some reason, that's usually who I end up with. I know I'm killing myself, so why not find someone that's killing themselves too? I'm sick of feeling guilty for interrupting an activity because I want to go outside and enjoy my tasty, tasty carcinogens.

Anyway, that's enough of that. Probably a little more personal than you're comfortable with, but you've got to take the good with the bad sometimes. I promise to incorporate at least 35% more "fucks" in my next post. Because if there is one thing I've learned, its that people who read this blog, enjoy my many uses of the word "motherfucker". At least that's the assumption I'm making based on the fact that my last post (about my daughter) received the lowest number of comments of any post I've made thus far. I don't know, what do you think? Vote with your comments. Do you like hearing the occasional heart warming "fuzzy" post? Or would you rather I stick to exploring new and interesting uses for the words "douchebaggery" and "fucktard"?

So how about an update? I've got two posts planned for the weekend, so hopefully you'll all come back sometime over the next few days and check that out. One will be bordering on "fuzzy" and one will be all out filth with no socially redeeming value whatsoever. Something for everyone! And remember....35% more "fucks". How can you say no to that?


Anonymous said...

I like your posts just they way they are!!! If others cant handle that you are human then they can fuck themselves lol

your drinkin Buddy

Heather said...

OK, since I am The Internet Blogging Authority, I will put in my 2 cents. I like you because "fucktard" and "douchebag" are also heard frequently in my daily vocab. (Check out for an awesome Celebrity "Who's Douchier?" game. It rawks.)

I liked your post about your daughter, however, I can't make comments without using some sort of profanity, and your daughter deserves only beautiful, gentle comments. Fuzzy is good, you can do fuzzy, and you can do "fucktard". Well rounded guy.

The reason you probably have a hard time finding other smokers is that they really are a minority these days. Even at bars, when we go outside for smox breax, there are very few people doing the same these days.

Btw, sleep is just a side effect of caffeine deprivation. You aren't drinking enough Mt. Dew with your Mexican Chili Chips.

Jillian said...

"Fucktard" is a personal favorite of mine, I encourage its liberal use.

Laurie Kendrick said...

I would encourage the use of fucktard and douchbaggery mixed in with the warm fuzzy stories.

And yes, you've engaged in sheer fucktardary for not posting as often.

You heart and your penis are the culprits? Or are you in love?? Am I reading right?

And I thought your heart belong to a much older Texan who's still a stupendous piece of ass. Oh well, I can learn to share. Besides, I've got my eye on a big fat Brit.

And like you're lover of Chili chips, this cockbag will be the fucking death of me...I just know it.

I'm happy for you, my little Cannuck.

Get some sleep.

I suggest Ambien and four Molsen.


Kris said...

Drinkin Buddy - Well said my friend

Heather - Congratulations on your appointment to Internet Blogging Authority. How does it pay? And are you a smoker?

Jillian - You are a scholar after my own heart

Laurie - I always love your comments. And fucktardary is probably my new favorite word. It narrowly beats out douchebaggery. I wouldn't say I'm in love. Way too soon for that. But I did meet a very cool person, so thanks for the well wishes. And you'll always have my heart. It's just that my penis doesn't do well in long distance relationships. He's funny like that.

Heather said...

Sadly, much like all the best things in life, being the Internet Blogging Authority doesn't pay jack and/or shit.

Anactoria said...

I'm more a fan of the hilarious story telling than the swearing, but that's just me!