Just a Tease...

Big post coming in the next day or two.....

What's it about? You'll have to check back and find out for yourself. But just to wet your appetite, here's a little sneak peak....

To be continued...

Saturday Night Dead?...

I fucking hate it when people call it that. Saturday Night Live is a show that has made me laugh consistently since I first started watching it in the early 90s. All you haters that have been proclaiming it Dead since way back when the second episode aired can suck it. I practically inhale anything SNL related. I just loves it, is all. It makes me laugh, and humour is the greatest aphrodisiac.

I think EVERYONE has a Saturday Night Live memory. Regardless of your feelings about the show now, you have to admit to yourself that, at some point in your life, you watched SNL. And you liked it. Ever stay up real late, maybe at a friend's place, and roll around together on the floor, laughing at the antics of Belushi and Ackroyd, while silently repressing the desire to just grab your friend by the face, look lovingly into their eyes and......wait......wrong childhood memory.

Have you ever tried so hard to stay awake for Update, only to have your eyes snap open suddenly, and discover only the test pattern? (For the kids: A test pattern was a bunch of colored bars on your screen, while an annoying tone plays in the background. Yes! TV stations did go off the air after midnight. They didn't broadcast 24 hours a day. And CDs were the size of your head and you listened to them by scratching needles across the surface. Or something like that.)

Have you ever quoted an SNL sketch? Even once? ONCE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE? I bet you have. Fuck, half of the world's population was saying "Ve Vant to Pump........YOU UP" in the early 90s.

You want to know my clearest SNL memory? It's not a particularly funny one, and not one that is directly tied to SNL, but I will always remember where I was and what I was watching when I heard the news that Shannon Hoon had died of a drug overdose.

Shannon Hoon was the lead singer for Blind Melon. Blind Melon was then, and continues to be now, one of my favorite bands. I'm sure you are all familiar with Blind Melon, and this post isn't about them, so I'll be brief. I had bought their second album "Soup" the day it was released. I loved it, and listened to it on a constant rotation. I thought it was a great improvement on their first album, and was excited to see where they would go next. Now, I can't remember the exact length of time between this albums release, and Hoon's death, but it wasn't too long at all. I'm thinking less than 6 months? I could wikipedia it to find out for sure, I guess. But it's Sunday, and thou shalt not Wiki on the Sabbath. Anyway, I was at my Dad's place for the weekend. Everyone was asleep except for me and my brother. We were in the living room, all of the lights off, watching Saturday Night Live. I remember feeling very cool that I was up that late. Later than my Dad even! I was a cool kid to be sure.

So we were watching, and during a commercial, a news update came on the screen. It announced that Shannon Hoon had, that evening, been found dead in his tour bus. I still remember my blood running cold. I can't remember if SNL was particularly funny that night or not, but I'm sure that I didn't laugh much after that.

Starting to get my point? Love it or hate it, SNL is one of the most influential, and entertaining shows ever on television. Even though it seems fashionable to hate on the show now, I will continue to scream my love for it from the rooftops. Or at least from a properly railed balcony. I'm kind of scared of heights.

Any other SNL junkies in the building? Check out (if you haven't already) the book "Live From New York" by James A. Miller and Tom Shales. I literally read it to pieces. I don't know how many times I read it, but it ended up falling apart. It's the kind of book that you can flip open to any part of and just read a few pages for a quick laugh. You can get it on Amazon for like 6 bux right now. Fuckin 6 bux. You should totally order it. No, I'm not getting a kickback from Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/Live-New-York-Uncensored-Saturday/dp/B0007XAWS0/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210534446&sr=1-1

My fucking kingdom for someone who can tell me how I can compress that link down into just a simple word or something. I'm sure HTML has something to do with. Fucking HTML.

So what made me feel the need to preach about SNL on a Sunday afternoon? Quite simply, this:

Fucking hilarious. That was from last night's episode, hosted by Shia TheBeef. No doubt, 10,000 sad little people have already flooded the internet with critiques about how shitty last night's show was, and why SNL should be cancelled. Well fuck that. I've got news for you, sad little people. You're still fucking watching it! Why is that? Because if its so terrible, why do you consistently tune in every week? I thought so. And don't give me the whole "The show was so awesome when Farley and Sandler and Ferrell were on! Why can't it be that good now?".

I remember watching those shows, and then all you heard was "Oh the show was so rad when Carvey and Hartman were on. Why can't it be that good now?" (Yes, we used to say "rad").

Well I implore you not to laugh at McGruber. Double dog dare and everything. You can't do it, because that shit is hilarious. End rant.

Oh, and don't stop now. Continue reading down the page. This is the second post I've done in about 12 hours, so in case you haven't checked in a few days, there's more reading to be done. I'm not finished with you yet.

What the Fuck is a "meme"?....

So glad you asked. Because I don't really know. And I love to have my shortcomings pointed out for me. As with any other question of this magnitude, I turned to the one source that always seems to have the answers. The one place I can go, where I know I will never face condesation (in which I mean the act of some one talking down to me, not like drops of dew forming on my face or anything like that.) or ridicule. Of course I'm speaking of thefreedictionary.com. I don't know about you, but I'm digging the future. Free dictionary at my fingertips makes me one happy panda. Plus I'm not really allowed back at The Dictionary Store. Not since the "unpleasantness" anyway.

So after being challenged to a "meme" by the (hopefully) litter trained Kittymao (found here: http://kittymao.wordpress.com/ ), I was left with little option, save for booting up the old internets and seeing what I could find. Well, first I cursed Kittymao for setting me on this journey. But then, should I expect less from a Chinese Dictator Cat? They're a devious lot, to be sure. And really kickass artists, although I don't think that's necessarily a result of the devious nature. After pondering this for a bit, I hit up freedictionary and found out the following:

meme

n.
A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another

Okay, so "meme" is a noun? Did you get anything else out of that? Tell me I'm not the only idiot here, but that definition has me more confused than before. Fuck.

Clearly, this was getting me no where. A more direct investigation was needed, post haste. Because I was quickly losing interest. I was going to have to use......verbal communication. In the form of a telephone call. I briefly considered screaming "What's a meme?" for anyone to hear, while standing out on my balcony, but decided the odds of receiving a response beyond "SHUT THE FUCK UP", were slim at best. No, a phone call to a higher authority on the subject was the answer. I excitedly picked up the phone and started to dial, when it hit me. How do you pronounce "meme"? Fuck.

Like so many other times, Google saves the day. God bless Google. I'm very capable of making myself look stupid in any number of interesting ways. Mispronouncing words is a hassle I don't need. According to memecentral.com, "meme" is pronounced with a long "e". Like meem.

Armed with this new knowledge, I once again pick up my phone and confidently dial "The Friend". Or TF if you prefer. I kind of do.

TF: Hello

Kris: Hey buddy. How's it going?

TF: ...........who is this?

Kris: It's Kris! Look I need your help.

TF: Oh jeez. Not you again. Why do you keep calling here?

My friends are hilarious. They always play this game with me, where they pretend they don't know who I am. My friends are great. I have friends.

Kris: (whispers) look...just play along....HA HA. That's so funny, pal. I just need to ask you one question though. I need your help.

TF: Why were you whispering before?

Kris: Come on. Just answer one question for me, and I'll leave you alone. I promise.

TF: You won't call here anymore?

Kris: Never ever again. I promise....fingers crossed.

TF: You probably would have been better off just crossing your fingers, instead of announcing it.

Kris: PLEASE. JUST ONE QUESTION.

TF: Okay fine. But don't call me again tonight at least.

Kris: I can't promise that.

TF: Jesus Christ, just ask your damn question.

Kris: What's a meme?

TF: That's your question? What's a meme? Jesus Christ. A meme is like an FYI on you. Like a list of things about you. Interesting tidbits of your interests or personality. NOW FUCK OFF.

And just like that, I had my answer. On to Kitty's page to see what this actually entails. Kitty's page said this:

1) Link back to the person who tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Write six things about yourself. 4) Tag six people at the end of your post by posting links to their blog sites. 5) Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their site. 6) And let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Holy fuck, she's really putting me to work, isn't she? Damn communist cats. Okay, so steps one and two are already done. 4 more steps to go. Spoiler warning: I'm particularly worried about step 4. I don't think I know any bloggers that haven't already been tagged by this shit. I may have to skip that step due to lack of options. So 6 things about me, huh? Pull up a chair. Because I'm sure a lot of you are standing at your computers right now.

1. I don't like to shit in public bathrooms. I have a bit of a phobia about it. But not the phobia you might be thinking of. The hygienic nature doesn't bother me. I mean, I'm not going to sit down on top of someone else's piss, but I'm not a germaphobe either. I don't carry around a little bottle of sanitizer with me. No, the thing that bugs me is those doors that don't quite reach down to the floor. Is a little privacy too much to ask for when I'm sitting on the toilet, log half way out of my ass? I'm sure there aren't people clamouring for their turn to peek in on me mid dump, but still. I just don't like the idea that some random weirdo could be a quick kneel away from gawking at me in a very vulnerable state. Call me crazy.

2. I'm a really fussy eater when it comes to meat. I'll eat just about anything, but if you try to offer me meat that has bones in it, huge marbled pieces of fat, or still resembles the part of the animal it came from, you will be firmly rebuked. Fried chicken is the sometime exception to this rule. But FUCK chicken wings. They look like little chicken arms, and you're gnawing on them! I'm not a member of PETA, like "Oh that's cruel. You shouldn't eat meat", but gnawing on a piece of meat, that is very clearly the arm of an animal grosses me out. The wings that are split so that they just look like little drumsticks are okay. But those ones you get at KFC? Gross. And maybe I'm weird, but I'm sure as hell not a dog, so you won't catch me chewing on any bones. My grandma cracks that shit open and sucks out the marrow. I love you Grandma, but that's fucking gross. And people that eat the fat off of steaks? It's the consistency of jello, people! And I don't know about you, but the idea of "meat" jello is not one I find appetizing.

3. I have a weird obsession with showing people music. I don't know why, but whenever anyone comes over to my apartment, I feel the need to say "Hey, have you ever heard this?". And then I cue up some random song. Often times, its a really cheesy 80's song. If even one of the songs I play is a hit, if it gets my guest to bob their head along in time to the beat, a huge smile spreads across my face. I just really get off on this. So if you ever come over to my place, be prepared to indulge my habit. There's just so much great music out there, that you may never come into contact with, if not for somebody saying "Hey man, check this out". Take this for example:

That was The Libertines singing "Can't Stand Me Now". If I just showed any of you a great song that you've never heard before, let me know!

4. I can't hold my liquor. Not even a little bit. I am a cheap drunk. Which doesn't make sense seeing as how I top 6' and weigh over 200 lbs. I used to be a real lush in high school. Getting drunk a couple of times a week or more was always the norm. And not always exclusively on the weekends. But when I hit legal age, I started bartending. And seeing people drunk all of the time, while I was sober, really turned me off of alcohol. So I pretty much stopped drinking. As it is now, I will maybe get drunk once every couple of months. And I never have a drink, just to have one. If I'm having a drink, I'm getting smashed. These days, that takes about 6 drinks. I know, right? One drink and I get all red in the face. If it's a double, the dance floor becomes irresistible. You know what, fuck that. The dance floor would be irresistible even if I was only drinking coffee. That's besides the point.

5. I am an unabashed car singer. If I have a car, and a working radio at my disposal, I immediately lose all inhibitions and forget the fact that a singer, I am not. I don't give a shit if you are stopped beside me at a red light, staring into my car with a disdainful look on your face. I will serenade the fuck out of you, hand motions and eye contact and everything. Just try and stop me. Genre won't even stand in my way. I'll throw some hip hop at you if that's what's playing at the time. Doesn't matter that I'm whiter than Bryant Gumbel. Is a Bryant Gumbel reference considered dated?

6. I have a slow building feeling of dread about approaching my thirties. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've pledged to quit smoking by the time I'm 30. Tasty tasty carcinogens will be my undoing if I'm not careful. I've allowed myself to smoke until I'm 30 because everyone is allowed to do stupid things while they're in their 20's. Had a one night stand? Fuck, you're in your 20's! Have fun! Drank way too much and woke up with a new tattoo? 20's! Try and pull that shit when you're in your 30's and everyone's like "Oh, when is he going to grow up? You know he turned 30 last year, right?". It's like you're expected to completely grow up and have your shit together on the stroke of midnight of your 30th birthday. I'm scared.

And that's more information about me than any of you realistically needs. Try not to use your new found knowledge for evil. I would if I were you, but again, besides the point. Which brings us to step 4. Six people, huh? As I said at the outset of this little endeavour, I'm going to have to cheat a bit here. There's only two bloggers I know who haven't already been subjected to this madness, so two is all you gets.

Candice, over at http://furrychocolates.wordpress.com/ and Laurie, over at http://www.lauriekendrick.com/

Furry Chocolates is a fellow Canuck, and is definitely worth a click. No, I'm not being perverted. I mean, click on the link and check out her page. Fucking sicko.

Laurie is the coolest chick in Texas. If you are from Texas, you are not as cool as Laurie Kendrick. Unless you are Laurie Kendrick, in which case, you are exactly as cool as Laurie Kendrick.

Why do I get the feeling that tagging people in this way is the blogging equivalent of asking your friends to help you move? I feel so dirty.

I wonder what TF thinks about all of this? Excuse me while I make a call...

This Post has Been Rated Ambidextrious....

My companion's mouth yawned slowly in disappointment, but quickly transitioned to a deft roll of her eyes. Before I could get to my feet, I realized that I probably wouldn't be having sex for good long time. I had outed myself.....as a nerd....

Let's rewind this a bit. If I'm any kind of a nerd, I'm a film and music nerd. I've never been a huge comic collector, and besides a lil' Star Wars fix every now and then, I'm not all that into science fiction. Not that I don't enjoy it, but I don't actively seek it out either, you know what I mean? Music and film, on the other hand, are things that I tend to obsess over. And when the two are brought together well? Immediate geek orgasm. Probably why I am such a big fan of Quentin Tarantino. He just knows the perfect song to couple with each scene in his films and it makes the entire experience infinitely more enjoyable as a result. The point of all of this exposition, is that I realized something while perusing some past entries of mine (yes, I go back and analyze my old posts. Don't judge me). Even though I have huge love for music and film, I haven't really utilized this outlet to push my tastes and interests on you, my unsuspecting readers. Clearly, this is something that needs to be rectified immediately. And here we are.

Half of the remainder of this post will concern a couple of upcoming albums that I'm looking forward to, while the other half will concern a couple of films I viewed recently. While the interesting part of this type of exercise would be to try and turn you on to something you haven't previously seen or listened to before, I have to admit that these initial entries skew pretty heavily to the mainstream end of the spectrum. I doubt I'll be telling you anything you don't already know, but what can I say.....I likes what I likes. I'll try and offer up some more eclectic choices in upcoming entries into this "series", but for now, allow me to be master of the obvious.

First up....MUSIC!

THE OFFSPRING

I've been a fan of The Offspring since way back in the early 90s, with their release of Smash. You may remember the songs Come Out and Play or Self Esteem. They have actually been around since the mid 80s, but I was too busy eating dirt and picking my nose to pay much attention to their first two efforts. Every album since Smash though, I have inhaled and enjoyed. Granted, "tolerated" might be more apt than "enjoyed" when discussing their last album, but I always hold out hope for the next one. Well I'm not going to have to wait much longer to find out how good the next one is. The Offspring are officially releasing their eighth studio album on June 17, 2008, and the title they've gone with is Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace. I'm still going to have to wait another month to see how the entire album flows, but Dexter Holland (lead vocals) has been quoted as saying the new album will be much more guitar driven and faster than Splinter (their last album). That definitely fills me with some hope. But fuck waiting a month, right? I want me some new Offspring right NOW. Well, through the magic of the Internet, we can get a little taste of what the album will sound like, through the release of the first single. It's called Hammerhead, and you can download it for FREE on The Offspring's official website. That's right. All you need is an email address, and you can get a great quality MP3 of the newest single for the low, low price of zip, zilch and nada. Check it out here: http://www.offspring.com/

My take? I love the first 75% of the song. I wouldn't put it up there with their best stuff, but its a good tune. I'm not really digging the last part of the song, but it seems like the kind of thing that will grow on me after a couple more listens. In any case, I'll definitely be picking up the full album on June 17.

WEEZER

I fucking love Weezer. Don't expect this portion to be anything less than biased, fan drivel, because Weezer is 10 lbs of awesome in a 5 lb bag. Somewhat like The Offspring though, I never really dug their last album. Beverly Hills was an okay song, but it wasn't anywhere near as brilliant as most of their stuff. Also like The Offspring, Weezer has a new album coming out in June. One week after the new Offspring album to be exact (what a great 2 weeks for new music!). This will be their 6th studio album and is following the same self titled trend as their first and third albums. This one will likely be referred to as "The Red Album", due to the color scheme they are following this go around. They have also released the first single from the album (entitled "Pork and Beans"), and although it is not free to download, you can listen to it for free at their official site http://www.weezer.com/

If you don't want to download the new Offspring tune, I understand, but by all means click over to Weezer's site and at least LISTEN to Pork and Beans. It will be 3 and a half minutes out of your life that you didn't really need in the first place. You probably don't have anything better to do anyway, if you're reading this right now.

I fucking love this song. Way better than anything on Make Believe, and it has me absolutely foaming at the mouth to hear the rest of the album. Now if they will just do a proper tour of Canada, I can die a happy man.

Now....onto MOVIES!

HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY

FYI, I'm not a licenced film reviewer. This is going to be terribly disjointed and bound to contain a multitude of run on sentences. Deal with it. Also, I won't go into heavy spoilers, but I may say something you might not want to know, if you are still planning on seeing this cinematic "masterpiece", so be warned.


I'm going to start by telling you that I love Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. I think its fucking hilarious. So many parts that make me laugh. I'm definitely not a movie snob and I like all kinds of film, including stupid stoner comedies. In fact, I actually went out of my way, while on a trip to Minneapolis last year, to eat at White Castle, just because of this movie. Maybe it was my love for the first Harold and Kumar, that made my expectations unreasonably high for the sequel. But you know what, fuck that. I didn't think it was going to be high art. I just wanted something to giggle at while I was enjoying some, ahem, cigarettes. If a movie like this can't even make a smoker laugh more than a couple of times, somethings gone horribly wrong.


First off, the jokes that were even a little bit funny, were basically just rehashes of jokes from the first movie. We don't need no originality apparently. Secondly, Rob Cordrey is just really really bad in this movie. His level of sucktitude here drags down everyone around him. I find Cordrey extremely funny on The Daily Show, but his performance in this movie was bad. It felt horribly forced, and really just kind of sad. He plays a bumbling Homeland Security agent who is in charge of capturing Harold and Kumar after they escape from Guantanamo Bay. He plays it in a really obvious way, and is not funny at all. Big disappointment. I get what they were going for, but it just doesn't work. John Cho and Kal Penn were as funny as the script allowed them to be, which sadly wasn't very.


One brief bright spot came courtesy of Neil Patrick Harris, reprising his role from the first film (as a cartoony, coked up version of himself). He always makes me laugh, and here is no exception. But they managed to fuck his cameo up real bad, and I can't really figure out why they did this.


MAJOR SPOILER


Neil and the boys hit up a whorehouse. Neil does something really bad to one of the hookers (off screen) and they are chased out. Before Neil can make his escape however, the madam guns him down with a shotgun! Fucking shoots him in the back and kills him right on the steps of the whorehouse!


END SPOILER


It was just completely out of place in this kind of movie, took me right out of it, and left a bad taste in my mouth. Not cool. The other big problem with the movie is that it is just completely forgettable. I'm seriously having trouble stretching this "review" past a couple of paragraphs, because I can't really remember all that much of the movie. And no, it wasn't because I was too high. Fucking smartasses.


The ending is predictable at best, but then, that's the kind of movie it is. So I would recommend it if you are:


a) really stoned (not just a little loopy, but REALLY FUCKING GONE)


b) have nothing better to do


or


c) are feeling masochistic


But by all means, wait until it hits the cheap theater, or comes out on DVD. Don't shell out 10 bucks to see it. I could think of 37 better ways to spend 10 bucks.


Now, on to the good movie, and I'm sure you already know what it is.

IRON MAN

This movie fucking rocked. No other way to really describe it. It was balls out, one of the best superhero movies I've seen. I wouldn't put it on the same level as Batman Begins, but it was well written, superbly acted, and wonderfully directed. There wasn't a whole lot wrong with it really, and it easily deserves however many hundreds of millions of dollars it ends up with (currently at over $200 million worldwide after only 3 days)

Now I'm a bit of a pop culture nerd, we all know that. So purely in the interest of public service, and impartiality, I am going to offer this review in two formats. That's right dammit! I said two. I'm helpful like that. On top, you're going to see the standard English review, constructed for the average person to read and enjoy. Below that, you're going to see (in mighty italicization, mind you) the "geek" review, meant only for those of you currently living in your parent's basement, subsisting on hot pockets and healthy doses of shame.

STORY: The story is set in a more realistic world than some previous comic book movies. This is a place where superpowers come from high intelligence and modern technology. If you were bit by a radioactive spider in this movie, you would probably die a horrible, painful death (as opposed to developing the power to kiss Kirsten Dunst upside down in the rain). A nice change (from the usual fare) is that here we see a hero who actually CHOSE to do what he could to make a difference. He wasn't granted magic powers and a conscience. This is a character who makes a gigantic mistake in where he is leading his company, realizes it, and chooses to try and rectify it. It's a great story involving some strong themes including but not limited to the futility of war, and taking responsibility for your own actions. Not really mind blowing themes, but a fuck of a lot smarter than Harold and Kumar, which taught us that eating 30 White Castle hamburgers will make your ass explode.

My only complaint in this department is the same complaint that I have for most comic book "origin" films. It takes a good long time to get to the ass kicking, Iron Man action. This probably wouldn't have bothered me as much, but I had my children in tow, and their attention spans were truly fucking tested for that first 45 minutes or so.

This movie stays really close to the comics, which is the way it should be, right? They update the opening setting to Afghanistan instead of Vietnam, but that's only to bring it into the future. It doesn't really change anything important. And the terrorist group that kidnaps Tony Stark is called The Ten Rings. Fucking cool, right? A little foreshadowing for the Mandarin and his ten alien rings of power, perhaps? And don't worry, Mr. Stark enjoys a fair bit of alcohol throughout the movie. Maybe a bout of alcoholism is in the cards for the sequel!!!! Oh and I couldn't forget Tony's house robot, whose name just happens to be "Jarvis". A little Avengers, anyone?

ACTING: The film really fucking shines in this department. Robert Downey Jr. has long been a favorite of mine, and he does not disappoint here. He takes a role that a lot of actors might have just phoned in, and fucking explodes off of the screen with it. He was made to be Tony Stark, and I can't ever see them successfully recasting now that he has left his mark on it. The next time I see RDJ in a film, I'm going to be taken back to this movie.

Gwyneth Paltrow is actually really good here as well (playing Tony Stark's assistant Pepper Potts). I know she is a good actress, but I find her dead, soulless eyes to be terrifying at the worst of times, and distracting at the best of times. I really don't enjoy much that she is in. I think the difference is that she looks like she is genuinely having fun here, and it makes a great impact on her performance. Top Notch.

Terrence Howard is great as always (playing Tony's buddy Rhodes) except I still find his slightly feminine voice to be a bit off putting, especially in this very masculine role. The chemistry between him and RDJ is spectacular though, and Howard does seem to shine a bit brighter in scenes with Tony Stark, than in scenes without him.

Jeff Bridges as Obidiah Stane is wonderful as always. He has to deal with his character being more "comic booky" than any of the others, but he handles it well. By this, I mean his character is by far the most one dimensional and predictable. You know what though, even if Bridges was complete shit in this movie, I would still give him a pass. You can't fail The Dude. You just can't.

DOOD!!!!!! Did you see when Rhodes looked over at the silver Iron Man suit and uttered the line "Next time baby". WAR MACHINE!!!!!!! But was it just me, or was Pepper Potts a little too "into" Tony Stark? Happy Hogan did make an appearance, but only for a brief moment. Maybe Pepper and Happy will get together in the next one.

SPECIAL EFFECTS / ACTION: You know those special effects driven movies that incorporate a lot of bad CGI? It really takes you out of the film, and looks overly fake. This is not one of those movies. It is seriously difficult (in most scenes. There are some exceptions) to figure out which elements are practical effects, and which are computer generated. You will actually believe two guys in huge metal suits are tearing shit up during the finale. Spectacular job. Another thing that was done perfectly was that the characters felt like they had real weight. When Iron Man walks into a room, you can see the ground shake, as it should. A ton of special effects were used in Iron Man, and they damn near pulled them all off. The one exception is a scene in which Iron Man fires a missile at a tank and then walks away as it blows up. This looks a little too computer generated for my tastes, but it can't be perfect.

Sorry, no real geeky things to add in this department...

THE ENDING: The last line uttered in the film (before the credits) is fucking great. I won't say what it is obviously, but it brought a huge smile to my face. Kind of goes against what 99% of superhero movies will do, but it is so totally in character for the character in question. Awesome.

Geek Spoiler warning!!!!!!

Stay until after the credits. There is a scene featuring Sam Jackson as Nick Fury waiting for Tony Stark at his home. He is there to talk to him about.........THE AVENGER INITIATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH! AVENGERS!

End Geek Spoiler!!!!!!

So yeah, go and see this movie NOW. You will enjoy it. I went with my special someone, her son and my kids. Of course I begged everyone to stay until after the credits.

"There's still more movie left! I promise. I read about it on the Internet!"

So we waited, and we waited, and we waited some more. The kids were starting to get antsy. Jeez, there's a fuck of a lot of credits, I thought. How many people does it take to make a movie these days?

Finally, we were rewarded with the scene (lasting about 20 seconds, after half an hour of credits).

At the conclusion of the scene, my companion had this to say: "We waited all that time for that? What the hell?"

I couldn't hide my geek smile "THAT WAS AWESOME!!! NICK FURY.....THE AVENGERS.....SAM JACKSON.......WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Cue the disappointed yawn and rolling of the eyes.

Dammit. Blue balls here I come...

Can You Sell Me Some Shark Repellent?...

I hate blogging for blogging sake. I'm definitely of the opinion that you should only blog when you have something to say. Now I am well aware that what I have to say might not qualify as something you think really needs to be said, but these things are subjective, aren't they? I only begin this way because I have to admit that I genuinely wanted to publish a post today, regardless of the fact that I really didn't have anything to write about. Call me a hypocrite, but I just wanted one more post out of April.

So I wrestled with this "problem" for a short time. You see, I love the feeling I get when I publish a shiny, new post. I can't really describe it, but I think that other people who enjoy writing as much as I do may know what I'm talking about. I don't think its anything as major as a grand sense of accomplishment, but it just feels good. And I like to feel good. Much better than feeling bad. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a masochist.

As I alluded to before, the line between good writing and bad writing is subjective at best. Someone who I think is incredible, may just be "meh" to you. But I think we can all agree that writing with a purpose, even if it is only meaningful to the person writing it, will always create a better end result. So where the fuck does that leave me?

Write something just to pad my post count for the month, or allow April to slip away without a whisper. Never ever to return.

Pay no attention to the melodrama. It adds texture.

So I was mindlessly surfing random sites, while internally debating my little "problem", when I stumbled upon the coolest thing. And just like that, my problem had solved itself. I found something that I just needed to share.

It's no secret that I harbour slight nerd tendencies. One of the things I am slightly nerdy about is Batman. I don't care how cool you think you are, you have to admit that Batman is fucking awesome. You may think one iteration of Batman is far superior to others, but the case still stands that Batman is for everyone. From the campy TV show (shark repellent...Batman is ready for fucking anything) all the way to the current Christian Bale variety, there really is a style and format for anyone to enjoy. But enough defending my inner nerd, let's get to the point.

The Dark Knight opens in July and is easily my most anticipated film of the summer. I almost never go to movies on opening night, but this will be one of those rare exceptions. Don't worry though, I'm planning on leaving my Batman costume at home.

You may or may not be aware that there is a new trailer for the movie currently making the rounds on the internet. Problem is, I can't find it. It keeps getting yanked by Warner Bros. They are officially releasing it online on Sunday, and aren't too appreciative of people spoiling their debut. I can understand this, because the quality of these bootlegs is always piss poor, and Warner Bros is probably worried that a poor quality representation of the trailer will portray the film in a negative light. But that doesn't change the fact that I still want to see it RIGHT NOW. This is the year 2008, Warner Bros. I don't want to wait for my stimuli. I want it 10 minutes ago. This is the ADD generation dammit, and we need to digest this shit fast so we can move on to the next thing. Ultimately, while the viral marketing thing has been cool, just give me the damn trailer already.

In an effort to locate said trailer, I found the below video. It comes via collegehumor.com and is a side by side comparison of the trailers for the 1989 Batman film and The Dark Knight. And its fucking uncanny. I got a kick out of it, but maybe that's just me. Is anyone else a closeted Batman fan? Or just looking forward to The Dark Knight?

You know what sucks, though? I just realized that (for some reason) I cannot view this post, as I'm writing it, in "compose" mode with the video attached. It immediately shuts down my IE. So I'm going to cross my fingers, click "Publish Post" with my tongue (because my fingers are busy being crossed), and hope this works. If the formatting is all fucked up, you know why.

I hate HTML.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor