Sunday, September 16, 2012

Is There Anybody Out There...

Besides the hundreds of spam bots that have been filling up my comments section for the last two and a half years I mean...

Well in case there are any actual people reading this (and assuming you have read some of my prior entries in this little blog), you're probably wondering what the hell was important enough to bring me out of my self imposed, 2 1/2 year hibernation. What type of earth-shattering, grand revelation could Kris have brewing? What magical, life-affirming news could he have to share with all of us?
  • A new gospel handed down by Jesus Christ himself?
  • The horrible, terrifying truth behind the bubble gum industry?
  • The secret formula for self sustaining energy?
No my friends. It is so much more. I present to you......(imagine a drum roll here for dramatic effect. Just do it)..................
Halloween Branded Candy Bars by Nestlé!!!!

Amazing, isn't it? A masterpiece if I've ever seen one. Not only has Nestlé brought the goods with the ghoulish witch artwork, they've actually gone the extra mile and RE-NAMED the sugary treat in the spirit of the season! In this case Aero becomes SCAERO. I'm not going to try and explain why, but this automatically makes your standard Aero bar 300% better. Here's another one:

Simply magnificent! Smarties become SCARIES and an angel gets its wings. Or loses them I suppose. Whichever makes more sense in the context of Halloween. In this case Nestlé has given us a jolly ghostly mascot that I believe even the most cynical masochist could root for. Take another look. Don't you just want him to succeed in all of his afterlife's endeavors? Maybe that's just me. No matter because I've saved the best for last. BEHOLD!

From the oh-so-clever play on the name "Coffee Crisp" to the delightful skeleton escaping from his coffin to the glowing spider upon its lid, this bar truly is the Halloween king of kings (when it comes to seasonal candy re-branding). 

Hell, I don't even really LIKE coffee crisp bars, but with that skeleton as my witness, I will come at least 4 Coffin Crisp bars closer to Type 2 Diabetes before this Halloween season has run its course. 

So, did you miss me?