Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Questing 101 - The Sequel....

We now return to our previously scheduled program, already in progress. Oh yeah, read part one first if you haven't already:

So where were we? Ah yes, lets recap:
1. It's Sunday night (or Monday morning if you want to get technical), 1 am and we needs us some stripey socks and goldfish.
B. Walmart is a fucking tease
iii. Winnipeg shopping laws suck

I think that about sums it up. So now we have but one option remaining. Two if you count 7-11, but dammit, this is my blog and I says it don't count. I love Shoppers Drug Mart. Is it because you can buy drugs there in the middle of the night? No, you can do that on just about any street corner in downtown Winnipeg. Shoppers Drug Mart is the only place I've ever seen where you can buy drugs, groceries, check your blood pressure, sample some nice cologne, buy a book or ride a pony, all in the middle of the night! Yes, you heard me, you can ride a pony at Shoppers Drug Mart. Don't believe me? Just check out my photographic evidence below:

Drugstore Cowboy

Also, since The Mart (as I lovingly refer to it) sells essential items or some such shit, so it skirts around the cruel laws of city hall. Don't ask me why because I don't understand it either. Walmart has a pharmacy. In fact, everything you can get in The Mart, you can get at Walmart, so what the hell? The Mart even has a DVD/CD section. Something doesn't add up. Anyway, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially if I can ride said horse, so let's continue....

We arrived at The Mart where I proceeded to take a picture of their "24 Hours" sign (as seen at the beginning of this post). Have you ever taken pictures inside or outside of a store? Pictures you really don't have any reason for taking other than to irritate your girlfriend, or to look like a fool? I swear to god the guy working inside the store was about 2 seconds away from calling the cops. Who takes pictures of Shoppers Drug Mart at 1 am? Someone on drugs probably. And me. So we proceeded into the store where we were watched very closely. The rent a cop walked by me at least 6 times. Melissa was mortified. I thought it was funny. He he he. I was good though. The only picture I took (or rather forced Melissa to take) inside The Mart was the pony one. All other photography waited until we got home.

So apparently, the only two things they don't sell at The Mart are goldfish and stripey socks. That's right, I just spoiled the ending. I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you. They do have all sorts of cool stuff, and Melissa being the shopoholic that she is, couldn't resist leaving without at least half of the store safely stowed away in her trunk. But we didn't get that sweet pony. A fact I regret to this very day. So what did we get? Here's the haul:

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that much, but it seemed like a lot more at the time. What an odd assortment of crap to buy at 1 am, huh? I swear the guy working thought we were on crack. Add this to the fact that I was taking pictures of the store front, and I'm sure he had an interesting tale to tell his wife the next day. So here it all is closer up:

How can you not buy an anthology of Dr. Seuss classics? You can't not, and I dare you to try. It's impossible. If I had the space I would show you the mathematical equation proving my theory, but I don't so I can't. You'll just have to take my word for it. I've never lied to you before have I?

Oh Grinchy, you crack me up!

I like to think that if God ate breakfast, this is what he would eat. English muffins and Guylian chocolates. Screw mana. This is what he should have given the Jews. That's a bold statement, but I stand by it.

Melissa is a sushi junkie. She lives for it. But she didn't have a sushi set to call her own. The Mart shall provide. It's really quite a nice set, but seems to be missing something. It's too bad they don't sell Japanese tea sets at The Mart. What's that you say? They do!?!?!? If it's color coordinated, I'm going to lose it.

I think I just busted a nut

I've always had a dream. A dream I'd never thought would be possible. Today, The Mart has not only made that dream a reality, but all for the low low price of $2.99. Ladies and gentlemen....

I'm going to bathe in chocolate

So we didn't completely fulfill our quest. There were no stripey socks or goldfish to be found. But a wise man once said that the destination is not always the most important part. The journey is what counts. And who among you can honestly say you've been able to take a chocolate bath while enjoying some fine Suessery at 2 am on a Monday morning. That's a one of a kind experience right there. In my opinion chocolate bath = great success. I hope you enjoyed reading about this quest as much as we enjoyed living it. Because life is a series of moments, no matter how absurd they can sometimes be. And I'll take absurd over boring any day.


About 2 weeks after the quest, we took a trip to Minneapolis. That will be coming up in my next posts, but as a sneak preview, check this out....

Stripey socks bitches!

Doesn't Melissa look absolutely mortified that I'm taking her picture in the middle of a crowded Urban Outfitters on the busiest American shopping weekend of the year? Awesome.

Until next time....


Kittymao said...

yO dood- I'd hit up a store like that if I could have the COOLEST BLACK AND RED TEAPOT created on this here planet!
Color me green with envy.

Anonymous said...

My dad just got mad at me 'cause I was laughing too loud. Good job. :P